The Art of Living: July 2012

DISCLAIMER******This post is heavy in the boob talk*****You've been warned.**********

I've had breasts since I can remember.

I literally can't remember a time where I looked down and saw nothing. In fact, they were/are so big that breast reduction surgery has been more than talked about. I knew I didn't want to do anything until I was done having my children because I always knew I wanted to breastfeed. I didn't want anything to get in the way of that! I've wanted to breastfeed since I looked down and saw that I had breast.....so forever! I didn't have a mother who breastfed so I don't know where this desire came from, maybe, it's because they are such a BIG part of me I had to believe they had a job to do someday.

When I took the test that confirmed that someday sooner than later I will be a MOM I immediatly started reading. I read everything I could on pregnancy, parenting and breastfeeding. I read. and read. and read. Now fast forward to May 28, 2012.....

Gentry arrived in a very turbulent way. I had read that it was important to try and let your baby latch within the first hour after birth. I had read what to do if you had a C-section and wanted to breast feed but there was no article on losing too much blood and being unable to physically do much at all with your baby. It was heartbreaking. I tried to put her to my breast but the awkwardness of her floppy body and my big breast and small arms. I couldn't get her positioned right. I was shaking uncontrollably from the shock of birth and it was frustrating. Did I mention that Nacogdoches Medical Center doesn't have a Lactation Specialist? That was super frustrating! I let Gentry go with the nurse to get checked out and I closed my eyes and prayed for the next encounter to be better.

We got settled in our room and soon Gentry was brought back to me. (Just thinking back to this time not long ago makes my stomach turn) This time I asked for help from the nurse. She took a few pillows set them around, took my boob in her hand and tried without success to pop it in Gentry's tiny mouth. Gentry could care less. She wanted to sleep. She also had a hard time during labor. I tried all day. She would only latch on for 30 seconds at a time. I tried to stay cool and remind myself of all the things I had read. I didn't let her have a bottle and she stayed with me all day. Then they took her back to the nursery at 11 PM. I told them I wanted her when she was hungry. Then in the middle of the night when they brought me to her. The nurse also brought a bottle. She explained to me that they really don't want her to go much longer without anything. I felt like I had failed. I was unable to do what should be natural. I was starting to starve my baby! I tried once more to breastfeed. All alone. Carl was alseep beside me. And I gave up and tearfully gave Gentry her first bottle. All Tuesday and Wednesday I would breastfeed, supplement with a bottle and then pump. When I would pump for 20 min. I would get less than 1 ML. It was thick and bubbly. I would syringe it to Gentry.

We went home on Wednesday and I continued in the pattern. I tried backing off of the supplements but pumped after every feed. It was tedious and exhausting. At most I was getting 1 ML and that was after my milk had come in. I thought I was getting the hang of it. Then we went to the Dr. for Gentry's 1 week check up. She wasn't back to her birth weight. Defeated. I was failing as a mother to feed my child. Or so I felt. I was more diligent about feeding, pumping and I added back more formula supplemental feedings. I wasn't ready to give up on the breastfeeding.

By her second week of life I had turned my every waking attention to my boobs. I started taking Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle. I ate a bowl of oatmeal every morning and drank Mother's Milk tea. My pee started to smell syrupy (Fenugreek does that) but I didn't feel like my boobs were changing. I never leaked, felt a letdown or had engorgement. I would feed Gentry every 1.5 to 2 hrs whether she wanted to eat or not. Gentry was starting to latch on better and I was more comfortable with holding her while she fed but even with those improvements our regular visits to get her weighed in at the Dr. still showed she wasn't back up to her birth weight.

I went to my Dr. at the month mark. He checked me out and asked about breastfeeding. I told him I wasn't ready to give up yet but that I was having trouble with my milk supply. As proof in my daughter's lack of weight gain. Dr. Vineyard prescribed me some Reglan to help with my production. I discontinued all of my home remedies (except for the oatmeal) for the time being. I also bought a new pump. I had been using a 12 year old Medela. I decided that this was it. I was going to try the Reglan (it was a 2 week prescription) and if it didn't work then breastfeeding must not be in the cards. I basically gave it all to God. That's exactly when I started seeing a change. I could tell Gentry was getting bigger. She felt bigger. We had a schedule down and we were pretty happy with our days at home. Then I started pumping more. First 2oz. Then 3. Then 4!!!! At Gentry's 1 month check up, which was a week late, she had gained 9 oz in one week! I finally felt like I could breath! The best part was I had only given her formula a couple of times that week!

On Monday morning of this week I finished my 2 weeks on Reglan. I was worried that with the end of Reglan I would be ending my milk supply. I immediately started the Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle. I haven't stopped eating oatmeal since I started on her 4th day of life. This morning I pumped almost 6 oz!!!!!!! I couldn't be happier! I still as a rule don't leak. I have started feeling a twinge when I can tell milk is filling in my boobs (yes, it's weird) and I only get engorged in the morning. I don't have the typical tell tell signs that you have tons of milk but I've learned that it doesn't mean your not feeding your child adequately. I learned that you can't even take what you are pumping as a rule of what you are able to feed your child. Babies are more efficient at getting milk from the breast than a pump.

I type all this to say to other new moms and future new moms BREAST FEEDING IS HARD, IT'S NOT EASY, GO WITH YOUR GUT, STICK WITH IT IF YOU CAN AND YOUR DOCTOR DOESN'T NECESSARILY KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU. I just needed more time than most women. I will say I feel blessed to be able to stay at home and figure this whole thing out! I would probably have given up if I knew I had to go back to work at six weeks. I hope this post helps any newer than me moms or moms to be!

Here are the sites that helped me the most:

http://kellymom.com/

http://www.thealphaparent.com/2011/12/timeline-of-breastfed-baby.html
I wish I had read this before I had Gentry!

http://www.thebump.com/?MsdVisit=1

http://www.babycenter.com/

Hope this helps!

Love,

The woman with the Maple Syrup urine

You've been alive through a whole moon cycle!

Gentry,

I can't believe how I am so in love with you. I enjoy almost every moment watching you learn and grow. In the last month I have really gotten to know your cry. I love to watch you cry. You give one little wail and then the biggest, cutest pout. You don't last long at crying either. You usually give up pretty easily unless you are hungry. The faces you make are hilarious. You look like your dad often. So serious. I hope I am in there somewhere! If not naturally then I will drill smiling into you! You are a pretty chill kid going from quiet content to sleep to eat. I love it! You do whimper in your sleep and I wonder if you are remembering the rough way you entered the world! The breastfeeding thing is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life! Just before your month birthday I got on Reglan and got a new pump and it seems we've got the hang of it! I couldn't be more proud when you spit up all over me because I know you actually have something in your belly to spit up! You really have only spit up a hand full of times since you've been born. I will say. You have some wicked gas. You even grossed out your Uncle Evan! That takes talent! You are so very loved by many Gentry! I mean I couldn't believe who all came to see you when we went to Lolli and Pops house! You are a very blessed girl! I can't wait to see who you are going to become over the next months and years! We love you very much!

Your Mom and Dad

Update:

Weight: 8.9 lbs (24th percentile)
Length: 22 in (84th percentile)
Head: 15in (90th percentile)
Eating: On Demand. Morning feed is bottle of breast milk and may have one more
Bedtime: 10:00 to 10:30 (wake up at 3:00)
Rise: 6:30-7:00
Naps: ummm....whenever.
Diapers: size 1 We are waiting for 2 more lbs to be in cloth!
Clothes: NB and 0-3
Favorites: Your Soothie Pacifiers, Your Mom's Arm, Lavender Body Lotion and the ABC book from Lolli for your 1 month birthday!
Latest tricks: Holding head up, going from back to side, looking at the baby in the mirror!
Firsts: Umm....EVERYTHING DUH! Went to Blueberry Festival, swam in Lolli and Pops pool were the highlights!